Coffee With Purps

Coffee Conversations with a Purple Girl

The First Three Years

Good morning, friends! This time three years ago I was getting ready to go to lunch with two of my best friends from high school. One had flown in from California and I wanted to make sure I got an actual chance to see and talk to here while she was here. She flew in to attend my wedding and I was positive I would not be able to spend much time with her on the day itself. So three years ago the three of us got pizza and then I ran to the library at Geneva to chop up directions to our rehearsal hall to put in the programs, which I had spent all the previous night printing out, one by one. Planning is everything, children, planning is everything. Listen to your mother when she tells you to get on stuff. Seriously.

Anyway, tomorrow will mark three years since I married the love of my life. It always feels a little funny using cliches like that. I mean, it’s completely true, but it still feels a little dramatic, doesn’t it? It’s the kind of thing you find in gooshy Facebook posts. My husband is not super into gooshy, but he’s learned to deal with it, for my sake, because I’m kind of into it. I do refrain from making him watch rom-coms with me, for the sake of his sanity. Compromise is a two way street. That bunny trail aside, I’ve learned a lot in these first three years of marriage and I’m very thankful that I’ve gotten to spend them with the most awesome person I know.

So here’s the thing about being married, it’s basically the same as not being married, only better. I feel like I always kind of thought getting married would be this huge change and it would feel so different from life before and I’d have to do a lot of adjusting, but it wasn’t like that at all. It just felt right, you know? Coming home with Logan instead of being dropped off and watching him drive away. It flowed more naturally, to go to bed with him instead of alone in my old room. It was just life, moving as it always does, except I got to see the person I like best every single day when I woke up. It is actually the best.

There are always things to figure out when you move in with a new person, of course, but we managed fairly well. The hardest part is just accepting that the human you live with is human and will forget to put the water jug back in the fridge in the morning and it’s fine, because you love them anyway. You just have to remember that you are also a super annoying human and they still love you, so it goes both ways.

I also had to learn when my husband was paying attention and when he was not. It’s super easy for me to unload all the things on him at once while he’s working around the kitchen, but chances are, he’s not paying attention to me, he’s focused on clearing the dishwasher so he can start dinner. So when he’s shocked and confused that my parents are showing up in the morning because I told him while he was doing something else, that’s on me, not him. You see the stereotype everywhere of the man who doesn’t listen when his wife speaks, but communication is a two way street. I know my husband and I can tell when he’s not listening, so if I go ahead and give him vital information while I am fully aware that he’s not paying attention, it’s not his fault when he doesn’t remember. There are times, of course, when we do have conversations about things and he forgets, or I forget, and that’s a different story, but really, half of our communication problems are solved by just reading the other person and knowing where their head is.

In the past three years we’ve learned how to hangout together and apart. When we were first married, Logan felt guilty doing things on his own because he was at work all day away from me and he wanted to spend time with me while he was home. It was very sweet, really, but we are introverts and while I got alone time all day, Logan wasn’t getting any. He assured me that I didn’t really count as social interaction, so he wasn’t being further drained by hanging out with me, but he still needed the occasional true, by himself alone time to recharge properly. It took us a while, but we’ve learned to just chill together. Whether that means him playing on his computer and me on mine, watching a movie on the couch together, or him playing on the WiiU while I read next to him. We enjoy our evenings together, but not always together, together.

In three years we’ve set up two homes and gotten two cats. Last year we moved into our long term short term home. We plan to be here until we can afford to buy a house, which will take a few years. We love our home and especially love that we can have cats here. That was the most important part of moving. Having cats has been an interesting adventure, from the numerous vet trips with Calamity’s plethora of issues, to dealing with cat messes around the house. We’ve learned that I’ll do basically anything gross. From poop to vomit to missed the litter box messes, I am the one with the rag and the dish soap. If it came from the cats, I’m on it. The fridge is another story. Logan has to do all food related gross things because I’m not touching that. Mold freaks me out, man.

We’ve also learned to travel together, which is good, seeing as we’re traveling a lot this summer. The first summer we got married we traveled to New England twice in one summer, driving there and back. We were not very good travelers back then. Thankfully we’ve found a better way to entertain ourselves while driving. Podcasts are the way of the future. They keep us alert and entertained while we drive ridiculous distances to see people and things. I’ve learned that I’m alone in my desire for travel snacks. Logan doesn’t snack while driving. I get cranky when I’m hungry, so snacks are important. Thursday we’ll be heading up to Erie to spend our anniversary weekend maybe on the beach, maybe hiding from the rain. We’ll see. Next month we’re driving up to spend a week on the lake with my in-laws and then driving down to North Carolina to see the eclipse. Lots of driving that we’re thankfully pretty good at now.

We’ve been through so many joys and sorrows in the past three years. We’ve experienced loss together and struggled through hard work situations and come out closer and stronger for it. We’ve become a pretty well coordinated team in our three years of marriage, but we still have so much growing to do together. It’s funny, looking back at all the things we didn’t know starting out, yet we thought we had it all figured out. I’m sure in another three years we’ll look back and think the same thing about ourselves now. Things keep changing and our family has grown and changed along with it. I’m so excited to see what then next year has in store for us and what all the rest, as well. Marriage is the greatest adventure.


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