Coffee With Purps

Coffee Conversations with a Purple Girl

To All My Bride Friends

Dear Brides,

Congratulations! This is probably the most stressful and exciting summer of your life, but at the end of it all, you get to spend your life with the fella you love and that’s awesome! I’m sure you’ve already read all the advice the internet has to give you. You’ve probably looked at hundreds of lists of things to do and not do on your wedding day or while wedding planning. I’m positive you’ve heard all the stories your friends have to tell, all the people telling you all the horror stories from their weddings, and shoving even more advice down your throat. It’s the way of people to want to be helpful in the most obnoxious way possible.

I’m not here to tell you about my wedding. It was beautiful, by the way, but not the point here. I’m not going to tell you about my experience right now because it won’t be your experience. I was talking to a bride friend earlier this year and saw her eyes go wide when I talked about how hard it was to be comfortable on that day. Sure, it was uncomfortable for me in my tight dress that was practically sewed on me, and my mother buzzing about like a maniac and my improper eating habits, but that was not the case for my Twirly, and I’m sure there are lots of other brides who were super comfy on their wedding day. So I’m not going to tell you my wedding experience, because it was mine and not yours.

I will give you the best advice I ever got while planning my wedding, though. It’s your wedding. That’s it. It’s your wedding, not your mom’s, not your mother-in-laws, not your great-aunt’s, or wedding planner’s, or second cousin’s, or sister’s, or whoever’s. It’s your wedding, so make it whatever you want it to be. At this point you might be closing in, you’ve probably got everything set in your head and are making decorations and dealing with final details and cracking the whip on bridesmaids who haven’t gotten their dress yet, but listen; that crazy idea you had that would be super cute and perfect for you and your future husband? Do it. That song you want to play, but you’re not sure if anyone else would appreciate it? Do it! Whatever it is that would make your day special and fun for you and your man, just do it. Don’t worry about what other people will think. You will always have people who pick at your wedding, they probably won’t do it to your face. Just role with it and have fun. This is a celebration of your new life together, show off your passions and your interests as much as you want!

Wedding_16Examples, because I can’t resist: I wore converse and my girls did too. They made a rainbow. My mom thought they would look like clowns, but they rocked it. My friend is actually wearing the converse she got for my wedding as her wedding shoes. We had our violinist play a Zelda medley for our recession and “Concerning Hobbits” for the bridal party to walk to. We had the cake from Portal for a grooms cake. We entered the reception to the main theme from Pacific Rim. We had swing danced to Vigilantes of Love for our first dance, which like three people have heard of. We nerded it up wherever we could and you know what? People loved it! Our friends thought it was the coolest, and if someone didn’t get the reference, they got to enjoy some cool music and a super tasty cake. I’m not saying you have to do a full blown theme wedding, but if that’s what you’re into, go for it. Don’t hold anything back because someone might not like it. It’s your wedding, do what you want.

credit Brett Wagner

credit Brett Wagner

Now that that’s out of the way, don’t forget to breath, don’t forget to eat, and make sure you have one person to really take care of you. Seriously, you might not need it, but it’s nice to be babied once in a while. And also make sure there’s someone to take care of your groom too. They need just as much looking after as the bride sometimes. My husband was blessed to have some really good friends around him on our wedding day.

The next thing I want to say is don’t get so caught up on the day that you forget the life ahead of you. Sure the wedding is stressful and exciting all at once and you’ve worked so hard to put this day together and make it special and beautiful and something to be remembered, but in the end, it’s just one day. Don’t let it overwhelm you. You are starting on this amazing journey with that awesome man beside you, don’t forget to appreciate him, and all he’s doing. Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing thing. It’s not always easy, or neat or even fun, but it is always worth it. It takes hard work, team work, endurance, patience, and understanding to get through and I believe in you. I know you are going to make a great wife, even if it seems scary sometimes. So don’t forget that the end goal isn’t the day, but the life ahead.

IMG_20141017_203429A mentor of mine gave my husband and I these awesome mugs when we got married. They are black and white and say “Mr.” and “Mrs.” on the front with a little saying on the back. This is what it says: “A marriage that follows God’s plan takes more than a woman and a man. It needs a oneness that can be only from Christ — marriage takes three.” This is, above all else, the most important thing to remember. I know some of you won’t appreciate this, but it is true nonetheless. Marriage needs to be God-centered to work. You are human and your husband-to-be is human and you will both fail. That’s what it is to be human. You need God to uphold you and your marriage when things get rough. You need Him to walk beside you as you endure loss and financial struggles and stressful times at work and in the family. You need Him to unite you and your husband against the world that might be pressing in or pulling you apart. A strand of three cords is not easily broken, as Ephesians says. Let your strand be one of three cords.

Lastly I just want to say how happy I am for all of you. It is no small thing to find the person you want to spend your life with. I am so happy that each of you have found that person and I pray that God will bless all of you in the lives you have ahead of you. Marriage is a great adventure and I hope you enjoy it just as much as I have. Have fun with your wedding, enjoy the day as much as you can, but even more so enjoy the life beyond it. God bless you and groom.

With all my love,


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