Good afternoon, I guess, my friends. I am so tired of change. Really, I’d just like to find a thing and stick with it for a while, if that’s alright, but apparently that’s too hard for us to manage right now. I was supposed to have an appointment this morning with the Midwives at Magee Women’s Hospital but that didn’t work out so now we’re floating again for a week until we can see someone else. I know I should know who we’re seeing, but honestly, I wasn’t paying that much attention when they were telling me about it. I’m just so tired of this whole thing.
So we go in for our appointment and sit down with the nurse and fill out some things and she’s asking us questions about where we were before and what brought us there. I told her about switching insurances and thus having to move from our old OB to the Midwife Center in Pittsburgh and then finding about about the twins and the Center sending us over to them. The nurse went to ask something else, starting with “They’re di/di, right?” To which we responded that no, they’re mono/di.
Quick explanation for those who don’t speak twin. There are apparently three types of twin pregnancies. Di/di means that each baby has their own placenta and membrane, completely separate from each other. These tend to be fraternal twins who implanted separately. Mono/di twins have one placenta, but separate membranes, so they’re not touching each other, but they are getting their nutrients from the same source. These are almost always identical. Mono/mono have one placenta and one membrane, so they’re in there together and are the most high risk as they can get tangled in each others cords. Our boys are mono/di twins, so one placenta, but separate sacks; basically the middle child as far as high risk goes.
So, since our boys are middle high risk instead of low high risk, they’ll want to do more monitoring than normal, which we were expecting. Apparently, the midwives will work with the groups that do the high risk stuff, but won’t do it themselves. I understand, I really do. I know that we’re in a weird and complicated situation and they want us to be with the people who will take the best care of us and I am thankful that they recognize that it’s not them and are willing to admit it and send me on to the next level up, but still, I’m so sick of being passed around. But there we were, in the office with the nurse who brought in the midwife we were supposed to meet with to tell us that they can’t take us and we’ll need to schedule with another group.
To be fair, they were trying really hard to be reassuring and to make things clear for us so we could make an informed decision. And I tried really hard to listen and understand what she was saying and objectively consider the options she was presenting us with, but all I could think was ‘why is this happening again?’ Why couldn’t we just talk to someone about our boys and how they were doing? Why couldn’t I just ask my questions and move on, knowing they were okay and I was okay and that I wasn’t screwing something up because I didn’t know better? That’s all I want, really, is to know I’m not screwing them up somehow. But that couldn’t be today because they couldn’t get us in until next week, which ever group we ended up with.
We were told about two different groups that work with Magee, one was OB/GYNs, one was specifically high risk pregnancies, I think, and if we went with the first group they would have to work with the second group anyway, and the second group was located in the same office so we just went with them if for no other reason than we could just walk over and talk to a human about getting our appointment set up. I really didn’t want to cry in front of the midwife and the nurse. I tried really really hard not to, to keep my composure until we were out of the office, but it just wasn’t possible. I cried and then we got our appointment and I cried some more and we went out to the car and I cried again.
I know it’s all going to be alright. I know that we’ll have our appointment next week and it’ll be fine and they’ll tell us all the things and we’ll ask all our questions and we’ll form a plan and everything will be back on some sort of track. I just want to be on the track already. I’m so sick of this floating around, not knowing what I’m doing, what’s changed, what hasn’t, what I need to be doing that I’m not doing or if I should be doing anything differently at all. I just want to be able to talk about our boys and know that they’re really alright and that everything actually looks good and is okay. I want to hear a professional tell me that we’re all healthy and happy and everything is going to be fine. But apparently that’s too much to ask.
On the bright side, I did get to eat breakfast with my husband and the very nice waitress at IHOP bought our coffee for us, so there is that. I’m still not sure which one of us ended up drinking the decaf and which got the regular, but since it was just one little cup, I’m not super worried about it. This will probably be another days worth of adjusting and I’ll be fine, again, but it’s still another adjustment that I didn’t want to make. I was prepared for them to switch us over to an actual OB, but I thought we’d at least get to actually talk about what was going on, first. Ah well, The Lord’s plan is perfect and who am I to question it? Hopefully next week will go better.